Doin' the Deuce

Screech fans unite! Reports are that Dustin Diamond, who played the character known as Screech on the series Saved by the Bell, is getting his house foreclosed on for not paying his mortgage. Diamond has been in financial trouble before and has appealed to his fans to help him out financially. Fans? This guy has fans? As I recall, Saved by the Bell was one of the crappiest shows on television of all time and Diamond was the worst of the bad actors on it! This guy had absolutely no talent whatsoever and here is how I know that I’m right; he hasn’t gotten a job since. Here is the only measure of how good an actor you are; you get jobs after you have had your first big job. That’s it. That’s the only measure. If you get jobs after you’ve been on a major show, you are a good actor. If you don’t get any jobs, you suck. I can say this with certainty, Dustin Diamond sucks. I know that you may have fond memories of him, but don’t be fooled. The reason you do think well of him is simply because he might be a part of your past. It’s like if you go to visit your old house that you grew up in 20 years later, even if you thought it was a great house, you realize that is sucks. Remember how great the movie Star Wars was when you were 13? When you watch it now, you realize that it is a kid’s movie with a simplistic plot. Don’t let nostalgia make you think that Diamond was anything but a shitty actor that somehow lucked into one job and hasn’t made one goddamn cent in the business since. Why am I hearing about this on CNN? Go away Diamond, if you promise to leave us alone, we promise to leave you alone. Oh wait, we already have.

After hearing about airlines that are going to charge people $20-$45 for a carry on, there are reports of the airlines considering charging people to use the restroom on the plane. I don’t fly like I used to, but if I do fly, who says that I need to use the restroom? I don’t see any problem at all with bringing on a gallon jug to relieve myself if I need to take a whiz, for free. I am sure it won’t be long until some drunk guy without any pocket change drops a deuce in the seat next to his. How much does it cost to carry on my own toilet paper?