Slippery Slope

Where is the oil? I just read an AP (my favorite news outlet) article about the Gulf oil spill and experts cannot find where all of the oil that has leaked out has gone. Sure, there is some oil on the shores and a little on the water, but the experts said that there was 180 million gallons of oil that spewed from the broken well. About 30 million gallons were skimmed from the water by barges and 11 million was burned up in fires. That should mean that there is about 140 million gallons that should still be floating around the Gulf of Mexico, but isn’t. Here is a thought; what if the amount of oil that escaped into the sea was exaggerated by tree hugging retards that overreact to anything that happens on the planet? You may be shaking your head feverishly saying that something like that couldn’t happen, but could it? Do you actually believe anything that you read in a newspaper or see on television anymore? Just as I suspected all along, the “disaster” isn’t as disastrous as it was made out to be… The newsmen just found a couple of birds that had some oil on them and took a few pictures to sell some copies. Let this be a lesson to all of you: never trust a newsman, they are all assholes.

Off Duty

I heard the other day that this is the warmest year on record the Earth has ever had. Unfortunately, I also heard that is the coldest winter on record for much of the southern hemisphere… Hmm.
I was driving today and saw a cop car traveling down the road. The unusual thing about this particular car is that there were two sun shades pulled down to obscure the driver and passenger windows. On the outside of the shades was the sign, “Not on duty.” So what exactly are you telling me here? If I am getting robbed and this squad car drives by, is the officer going to just ignore me? Why is there a police car driving around that is ever out of service? I remember a few years ago, police officers of a local community were lobbying to be allowed to drive their police cruiser home at night. They reasoned that the additional police presence would help prevent crime in the neighborhoods in which they lived. I tend to agree with that, but the cops can’t have their cake and eat it too. If they are going to be able to drive their cruisers home, then for as long as they are in those cruisers, they are never off duty. Now, I don’t need to see these cops going from home to work pulling over cars for going 10 miles over the speed limit, but why do you need to put out a sign telling speeders that you are off duty? Let’s let people assume that they are on duty. When I saw this cop, I was tempted to fly by him way over the speed limit and see if he was really off duty… I should have tried it out.

An open letter to Jesse Jackson

Dear Mr. Jackson,

No one gives a shit about you any more. Please stop making an ass of yourself just to try to get publicity. When the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers criticized Lebron James for leaving the team, he made no statements or implications about the race of any individual involved in the situation, much less call James a ‘runaway slave’ as you put it. Please stop claiming that you are working for harmony between the races when, in fact, you are doing the complete opposite just to try to gain your celebrity back. Look, you were relevant at one point and you no longer are. The sooner that you admit this to yourself, the sooner we can stop paying attention to retards like yourself and actually work towards the end of all racial problems. Look, I actually don’t mind you pulling your antics; this is America and everyone has the constitutional right to act like a little pussy, but please don’t perpetrate that you are working for the good of anything. I wish that you could be man enough to just come clean about the fact that you are nothing but a whiny little bitch that wears clown shoes and expects everyone to find you important. I’m sure that Lebron James doesn’t need your help; he seems to be doing just fine on his own and as for being a slave, not many slaves had the bank account that James has. You are insulting every black American that had an ancestor that suffered through slavery by even insinuating that James’ plight is any where near the equivalent of any slave. Just stop it.

Thank you very much,
White and Black America

AP, you're the man!

Here is an AP headline on the wire today: “Fireworks to highlight July 4th celebrations.” That, ladies and gentlemen, is just a sample of the hard-hitting stories that you will find on the AP wire. Is it any wonder that the AP is one of the biggest and most prestigious news agencies in the world today? How do they do it? Is anyone else getting tired of these assholes that call themselves news agencies? Seriously, can anyone believe that this story is anything but a space filler? This leads me to ask another question; if all you are doing is filling space, isn’t there anyone out there that could do it more creatively? At least make things interesting for me… Writing a 10 paragraph story about how fireworks will be a part of the July 4th holiday, just make something up. Come up with some story like The National Enquirer used to. Make up some story about a three headed kid or something. If news agencies are worried about their credibility as reporters, they shouldn’t because as far as I’m concerned, they have none anyway. If you are the type of person that believes everything that the AP tells you, you are an idiot. I don’t believe about 75% of what I read from the AP anyway, so they may as well make what they write entertaining. To be honest with you, I trust The Onion more than I trust the AP. I guess the bottom line is this; bullshit me all you want, just make it funny. Oh, by the way, I heard that there were some July 4th cookouts where people might be drinking some beer; you had better send a reporter.