In the news lately has been the plight of the poor fruit and vegetable pickers and their substandard wages. On one side, you have so called advocate groups pushing for higher wages and better working conditions for migrant workers. On the other side are the price conscious factions of consumers and companies. I have a way to quickly and definitively end this debate once and for all. Since everyone knows that higher wages and better working conditions will mean higher prices for things like tomatoes, let the public pick what they care about more. Have one of the large companies divide their operation into half. On one side of the property, increase the wages of the pickers and send those tomatoes to market with the higher price. On the other side of the field, keep everything the same and send those tomatoes to market at the lower prices. In the supermarkets, place a bin of the higher priced tomatoes next to the bin with the lower priced tomatoes and put up a sign clearly explaining what is going on. Tell the shoppers that if they are for higher wages for the workers that they should buy the more expensive tomatoes. If, however, the shoppers are more concerned about their price that they should buy the less expensive tomatoes and watch what happens. I got five bucks that just about everyone, even the worker advocates, buys the cheaper tomatoes and then you will have your answer as to what people actually care about. By the way, the tomatoes that rot in the expensive bins could be used to throw at all of the hypocrites that are clamoring for higher wages and yet buy the cheaper tomatoes anyway…
Scientists have found that Antarctica is having an unusually cool summer this year. I bet it is being caused by global warming. Somewhere Al Gore’s big ass pair of clown shoes just got a little bigger kind of like Pinocchio’s nose did. I don’t know what’s bigger, Al Gore’s carbon footprint from his energy wasting mansion or the footprints his shoes leave. Well, at least he provides us with plenty of laughter in these dark days of climate change…
Who said racism was dead? Leave it to the Bible Belt to keep the practice of discrimination due to skin color alive and well. It seems that in a dance competition in Atlanta, GA, there were calls to disqualify a group of dancers because of the fact that they weren’t the same race as the rest of the contestants. That’s right, because of skin color! It’s hard to believe that in this day and age that all of the hard work that Martin Luther King Jr., Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have put forth for the last several decades has gone for naught. I mean, can you even believe that people could be so ridiculously ignorant that they not only would discriminate against a group because of the way the look, but they would publicly announce their position? Did they actually think that they would get the support of anyone? Perhaps I am being naïve in thinking that no one in their right mind would actually say things like this out loud. I think all racists should be ashamed of themselves and should be shunned by the rest of their race for making them all look like idiots. Jack asses! Stupid assholes! The organizers of this racist event should be ridiculed early and often… In case you were wondering, the event is the National Spirit Step Off Competition which is an event usually frequented by black college sororities and fraternities and the object of the racism is the ZTA organization of the University of Arkansas. They are a group of white dancers…
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
As Soon As Poss.
A customer the other day came into my store and said something about his "frigerator." My wife and kids also use that word when describing the kitchen appliance and it drives me nuts. Look, I don't mind you using slang and abbreviating; in fact I encourage it. If you are going to shorten the word "refrigerator," just take it to "fridge." It's really very paradoxical in nature. If you are too lazy to shorten the word to its lowest common denominator, aren't you also too lazy to use four syllables instead of one? If you are so uncaring about the English language, why do you try to keep part of the word alive? It's like the people that say "B-B-Q" instead of "Barbecue." Same amount of syllables, doesn't save any time to say, they just like butchering words. One thing I can defend these people about; how do we know that what is being put in the refrigerator was already cold and is now being re-chilled? What if the stuff you put in there is being chilled for the first time? Then, I guess "frigerator" might be appropriate...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Don't Bother to See Rock City!
SEE ROCK CITY! Just about everybody knows about this piece of Americana. The owners of Rock City in Tennessee paid a painter to travel the better part of the United States and paint this slogan on barn roofs everywhere. Thousands of signs popped up all over in an attempt to gain publicity and tourism dollars. In one of the first such advertising campaigns of its kind, a part of American history was born. There are books and paintings based upon the slogan. Along rural highways all over, these rustic pieces of history can be seen, decaying and harkening back to the days of family road trips. One thing I suggest is to get off of the interstate highway system and take a long drive on some of the smaller, lesser known highways and byways (what the hell is a byway, by the way?) Look around, smell the roses as it were; some great scenery waits. One thing that I don’t recommend… seeing Rock City. As it turns out, Rock City is as about as exciting as finding out what “Rosebud” means at the end of Citizen Kane; it’s not. As it turns out, Rock City is just a bunch of god damn rocks…don’t waste your time.
I was watching a documentary on Wikipedia and the informational revolution happening on the internet today. The main focus of the show was how information can be convoluted and manipulated on reference sites like Wikipedia. As you may know, anyone can edit articles about anything that they want to, making some information unreliable and hearsay. Predictably, the producer of the doc interviewed a spokesman from The Encyclopedia Britannica. With nose held high in the air, the guy with the forced and over emphasized English accent explained how the articles in his encyclopedia are written by experts in each field that is covered by the missive. It occurred to me, how can you trust any information that you read? Just because some guy is an “expert” in some field doesn’t mean he’s right. What if he has a motive to misrepresent the facts? Let’s say some scientist is getting funding from the government for his research in the endangerment of a certain species of lizard. Because of his extensive research on the subject, The Encyclopedia Britannica calls him to write an article about this lizard. Regardless if the species is actually in harms way or not, the writer will paint that picture knowing that more funding for research awaits him. I shudder to think what goes on in the authoring of school textbooks on history or social studies. If you want the public schools to buy your textbooks and reward you with a big paycheck, your facts better be consistent with what the government’s story is. How many textbooks do you remember mentioning that the IRS was to be a temporary measure to raise funds for the war effort? Wikipedia may not be perfect, but it isn’t any better or worse than other things you read. Just because what you read is bound in a book doesn’t make it real. You need several sources.
I am not sure about what the solution to the health care crisis in America is, but keep this in mind. When was the last time you dealt with a government employee that did something right? Seriously, are you willing to let your health issues be handled by some jerk-off government employee? Have you been to the DMV or permitting office lately? These are the fucking bozos that will be handling your case, arranging doctor’s appointments and writing prescription approvals. Really? Is that really what you want? You want the guy that can barely read and has a hard time stringing together a sentence in charge of whether you live or die? Think about it…
I was watching a documentary on Wikipedia and the informational revolution happening on the internet today. The main focus of the show was how information can be convoluted and manipulated on reference sites like Wikipedia. As you may know, anyone can edit articles about anything that they want to, making some information unreliable and hearsay. Predictably, the producer of the doc interviewed a spokesman from The Encyclopedia Britannica. With nose held high in the air, the guy with the forced and over emphasized English accent explained how the articles in his encyclopedia are written by experts in each field that is covered by the missive. It occurred to me, how can you trust any information that you read? Just because some guy is an “expert” in some field doesn’t mean he’s right. What if he has a motive to misrepresent the facts? Let’s say some scientist is getting funding from the government for his research in the endangerment of a certain species of lizard. Because of his extensive research on the subject, The Encyclopedia Britannica calls him to write an article about this lizard. Regardless if the species is actually in harms way or not, the writer will paint that picture knowing that more funding for research awaits him. I shudder to think what goes on in the authoring of school textbooks on history or social studies. If you want the public schools to buy your textbooks and reward you with a big paycheck, your facts better be consistent with what the government’s story is. How many textbooks do you remember mentioning that the IRS was to be a temporary measure to raise funds for the war effort? Wikipedia may not be perfect, but it isn’t any better or worse than other things you read. Just because what you read is bound in a book doesn’t make it real. You need several sources.
I am not sure about what the solution to the health care crisis in America is, but keep this in mind. When was the last time you dealt with a government employee that did something right? Seriously, are you willing to let your health issues be handled by some jerk-off government employee? Have you been to the DMV or permitting office lately? These are the fucking bozos that will be handling your case, arranging doctor’s appointments and writing prescription approvals. Really? Is that really what you want? You want the guy that can barely read and has a hard time stringing together a sentence in charge of whether you live or die? Think about it…
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Ne'er do well
I was thinking that I would like for my wife to have another child. It’s not that I especially want to have another kid running around, but rather because I love hospital cafeteria food. One of the highlights of our visit to the hospital during my daughter’s birth was the food that was served in the cafeteria. Now, the old adage about how crappy hospital food is still holds true for the food that they bring to the patients in the rooms, but not for the meals that you go downstairs to purchase. I guess they must have different cooks or something because the food downstairs is ten times better than the food upstairs. Not only is the food great, but you can get a decent meal for around $5. Try going to any good restaurant for a good meal that costs $5, you can’t do it. Now before you think I am a totally insensitive clod for wanting another child just to get some good food, I could have really been a jerk and wished that someone I know got cancer or something. In fact, if someone I knew got cancer, I would probably spend a lot more time in the hospital than I would for a birth. Is there some disease that anyone knows of that requires a hospital stay that is 100% curable and has no lingering effects?
As we all know (or should know), about 98% of all people that are involved with government of any form are clinically retarded, evil or both. The latest bit of evidence came in today in the form of a news article in The St. Petersburg Times. This is a local example of the waste that we call government, but I’m sure similar things happen all around the world all of the time. In the Pinellas County School District, there have been contracts of $842,188 awarded to Sciarra Lawn Care for the maintenance of some school playgrounds. As a point of reference, since this story has come out, several lawn services have said that the work done should have cost only about a third of this price tag (and I suspect it could be done for even less). Here’s what happened, Robert Sciarra, the owner of the lawn service put in an inflated bid to the maintenance department of the school system and his buddy on the school payroll, Alan Smith, accepted his bid even though it was absolutely ridiculous. Now, as I said, 98% of government employees are retarded or evil. Alan Smith is one of the evil ones by wasting tax payer money by letting it being stolen by the lawn service of which I am sure he got a cut. This troubles me, but what really troubles me is that he was getting away with it. Doesn’t anyone else at the school board have any idea of what the fuck is going on around them? Are they all complete idiots or are they all playing minesweeper in their cubicles? Here is what should happen: anyone who has any connection at all with the maintenance department should be fired. No if ands or buts, fire first, ask questions later. Go out on the streets and hire the first people without a job that you find. Don’t ask for qualifications. Don’t ask for references, just hire them. It doesn’t matter who you hire, they will do a better job. They can’t do worse! Tell them that the minute they screw up, they’re gone too. As the old saying goes, a hungry dog hunts harder. What do we have to lose? We should take this approach with all government institutions around the country on a local, state and federal level. For all hired employees, screw up and you’re gone! Maybe these people will actually start doing some good work for the people that pay their salaries, you and I.
If I do have any readers.... please let your friends know about this blog. I thank you for reading!
As we all know (or should know), about 98% of all people that are involved with government of any form are clinically retarded, evil or both. The latest bit of evidence came in today in the form of a news article in The St. Petersburg Times. This is a local example of the waste that we call government, but I’m sure similar things happen all around the world all of the time. In the Pinellas County School District, there have been contracts of $842,188 awarded to Sciarra Lawn Care for the maintenance of some school playgrounds. As a point of reference, since this story has come out, several lawn services have said that the work done should have cost only about a third of this price tag (and I suspect it could be done for even less). Here’s what happened, Robert Sciarra, the owner of the lawn service put in an inflated bid to the maintenance department of the school system and his buddy on the school payroll, Alan Smith, accepted his bid even though it was absolutely ridiculous. Now, as I said, 98% of government employees are retarded or evil. Alan Smith is one of the evil ones by wasting tax payer money by letting it being stolen by the lawn service of which I am sure he got a cut. This troubles me, but what really troubles me is that he was getting away with it. Doesn’t anyone else at the school board have any idea of what the fuck is going on around them? Are they all complete idiots or are they all playing minesweeper in their cubicles? Here is what should happen: anyone who has any connection at all with the maintenance department should be fired. No if ands or buts, fire first, ask questions later. Go out on the streets and hire the first people without a job that you find. Don’t ask for qualifications. Don’t ask for references, just hire them. It doesn’t matter who you hire, they will do a better job. They can’t do worse! Tell them that the minute they screw up, they’re gone too. As the old saying goes, a hungry dog hunts harder. What do we have to lose? We should take this approach with all government institutions around the country on a local, state and federal level. For all hired employees, screw up and you’re gone! Maybe these people will actually start doing some good work for the people that pay their salaries, you and I.
If I do have any readers.... please let your friends know about this blog. I thank you for reading!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Giving credit where credit isn't due
The next time that you go to see a movie, when the movie is over, watch the credits. The credits begin with, of course, the actors in the movie. Sometimes they come in order of appearance, other times, the bigger stars go first. Fine. After the actors, you will start to see things like the director, editor and sound guys. Great. Then start to come things like “microphone boom operator” and “makeup artist.” OK. Towards the end, you get the things like “assistant to Mr. Hopkins” and even “caterer” and “caterer’s assistant.” Enough! Do I really need to know who the caterer’s assistant is? Did that fact that Ed Jablonski carried the food platters from the van to the table in the studio make any difference in the quality of the movie at all? In fact, that could have been the crappiest meal in history and it wouldn’t make one bit of difference. What next? Are we going to start seeing credits for things like “pizza delivery guy” or “guy that washed the shit stains out of Mr. Freeman’s underwear?” Give me a break! Let me establish the line for who should be credited in the movie or not. If you were a person that was on screen, we should see your name. After that, we should only see your name if the movie would have been different if you had not been there. In other words, if you are the director and by you leaving the movie, things would have been different in the movie, I want to see your name. If, however, you were something like the star’s driver and you could have been replaced by a trained monkey, I don’t need your name. Is this agreeable to everyone? Let’s stop this foolishness now. The next time someone around the set runs to Burger King for a few Whoppers, I don’t want to see his name in the credits…
Also, credits should be at the end of the movie, not the beginning. I don’t want to be twelve and a half minutes into a movie and still see names popping up on the screen for directors and production companies. You know, that stupid opening “scene” of most movies where the main character is doing something mundane like driving his car around, getting coffee (and probably spilling it on his shirt) and stepping in dog shit and all the while credits are popping up on the screen , maybe on the side of the mailbox, perhaps on his dry cleaning ticket. Let’s make a rule; if opening credits are absolutely necessary, 3 minutes tops. I don’t want to be half way through a movie to see words still popping up on the screen. And what’s with the twelve production companies per movie? Who produced and distributed it? About four different names come up in succession before the first scene starts only to be repeated in that zany opening skit. I feel violated like I would if the guy in the theater behind me talked through the majority of the film. Just SHUT UP already!
Also, credits should be at the end of the movie, not the beginning. I don’t want to be twelve and a half minutes into a movie and still see names popping up on the screen for directors and production companies. You know, that stupid opening “scene” of most movies where the main character is doing something mundane like driving his car around, getting coffee (and probably spilling it on his shirt) and stepping in dog shit and all the while credits are popping up on the screen , maybe on the side of the mailbox, perhaps on his dry cleaning ticket. Let’s make a rule; if opening credits are absolutely necessary, 3 minutes tops. I don’t want to be half way through a movie to see words still popping up on the screen. And what’s with the twelve production companies per movie? Who produced and distributed it? About four different names come up in succession before the first scene starts only to be repeated in that zany opening skit. I feel violated like I would if the guy in the theater behind me talked through the majority of the film. Just SHUT UP already!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
USA Today?
Have you ever read the USA Today? It is a worthless fish wrapper! You pay $1.00 for about 8 pages of day-old news. Completely worthless. Some kid (around 21 years old or so) came into my ice cream store the other day with a brand new copy of the journal. After about 3 minutes, he left the store and the paper sitting on the table. He’d apparently had enough of that stale piece of crap… I don’t blame him. After he left, I grabbed the issue a read through it in about two minutes as well. Don’t waste your dollar.
I miss the phrase “that and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee.” I guess the fact that you can’t even walk into a Starbucks for fifty cents has killed this colloquialism. (No, I didn’t need spell check to help me spell that last word! That was one hell of a guess!) I don’t think telling someone that “that and $4.50 will get you a half-caff mochachino with extra foam. I guess the saying is dead.
Why do account numbers on the bills that you pay have a ridiculous amount of digits and why do they ask that you write it on your check? The account number for my car loan has 13 digits in it. 13! That means that there are 10 Trillion possible account numbers there. If the world’s population increased by a thousand times and everyone had a car loan (yes even infants and Haitians!), there would still be account numbers left over. Four Trillion left over. Why does my local garbage company feel the need to have account numbers with 8 digits in it? There aren’t that many households in the US! My hand hurts after writing out a check and then having to write the account number in the memo line, if it even fits! My house alarm company seems to manage with small account numbers. I am customer 1695. I have decided that I am no longer going to write these numbers on my check. From now on, the companies are just going to have to look my account up by my name on the check.
I was thinking about Islamic terrorism and I came to a conclusion; Islamic women are to blame for this whole thing and I am going to explain why. Imagine, if you will, that I had an inkling to go buy a machine gun or some bomb materials, do you think for even one second that my wife would let that fly? My wife doesn’t like it when I yell a little too loud in the house let alone running out into the street and firing a machine gun into the air and yelling some shit about god being great. What the hell are the Middle Eastern women doing over there? Don’t give me that bull about them being oppressed and that baloney. American women were oppressed and couldn’t even vote until half a century ago, but you didn’t see guys running around with bombs strapped to themselves before women’s suffrage, a little bootlegging here and some gambling there, but nothing too serious like flying planes into buildings. I think it’s time that the Arabic women sack up and get their men folk in line and let’s get peace in the Middle East.
I miss the phrase “that and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee.” I guess the fact that you can’t even walk into a Starbucks for fifty cents has killed this colloquialism. (No, I didn’t need spell check to help me spell that last word! That was one hell of a guess!) I don’t think telling someone that “that and $4.50 will get you a half-caff mochachino with extra foam. I guess the saying is dead.
Why do account numbers on the bills that you pay have a ridiculous amount of digits and why do they ask that you write it on your check? The account number for my car loan has 13 digits in it. 13! That means that there are 10 Trillion possible account numbers there. If the world’s population increased by a thousand times and everyone had a car loan (yes even infants and Haitians!), there would still be account numbers left over. Four Trillion left over. Why does my local garbage company feel the need to have account numbers with 8 digits in it? There aren’t that many households in the US! My hand hurts after writing out a check and then having to write the account number in the memo line, if it even fits! My house alarm company seems to manage with small account numbers. I am customer 1695. I have decided that I am no longer going to write these numbers on my check. From now on, the companies are just going to have to look my account up by my name on the check.
I was thinking about Islamic terrorism and I came to a conclusion; Islamic women are to blame for this whole thing and I am going to explain why. Imagine, if you will, that I had an inkling to go buy a machine gun or some bomb materials, do you think for even one second that my wife would let that fly? My wife doesn’t like it when I yell a little too loud in the house let alone running out into the street and firing a machine gun into the air and yelling some shit about god being great. What the hell are the Middle Eastern women doing over there? Don’t give me that bull about them being oppressed and that baloney. American women were oppressed and couldn’t even vote until half a century ago, but you didn’t see guys running around with bombs strapped to themselves before women’s suffrage, a little bootlegging here and some gambling there, but nothing too serious like flying planes into buildings. I think it’s time that the Arabic women sack up and get their men folk in line and let’s get peace in the Middle East.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Status Quo
With all of the news lately surrounding the Toyota recalls, there has been a lot of scrutiny aimed toward the president of Toyota; Toyoda Akio. In a related thought, I was thinking of changing my name to Chase Manhadden.
At least Toyoda Akio has a name that is spelled like it is pronounced. I never quite understood why Chinese and Japanese people that come to the U.S. have names that aren’t spelled properly. Yes, I’m saying that they aren’t spelling their names properly! Look, I understand when a Frenchman comes to the states with a name that is spelled Jean and pronounces it “Zjohn,” because that is how his name was written and he is keeping that way. When a China-man comes to this country, his name is written as some Chinese symbol, right? It’s not like his name was written “Xanh” and he pronounces it “Chang.” When deciding how to write the name in English, just spell it properly! Why all of the difficulty?
Internet security officials have uncovered a botnet that was being run by a group of hackers. For those unfamiliar, a botnet is a group of computers that have been infiltrated and are under the control of hackers. Apparently, the hackers have used this botnet to get the login information for 3,600 Facebook accounts. Maybe I am a little naïve, but what are these hackers going to do if they get a hold of my Facebook login? Nefariously write on my wall that I’m gay and my fetish are guys with hairy asses? For all I care, they can steal the login information to a million Facebook accounts; I don’t see what could really be accomplished with this. Here’s an idea, instead of wasting time on Facebook clandestinely changing my relationship status, why don’t they get some information worth something like perhaps bank account info or Paypal passwords? And they say hackers are smart!
At least Toyoda Akio has a name that is spelled like it is pronounced. I never quite understood why Chinese and Japanese people that come to the U.S. have names that aren’t spelled properly. Yes, I’m saying that they aren’t spelling their names properly! Look, I understand when a Frenchman comes to the states with a name that is spelled Jean and pronounces it “Zjohn,” because that is how his name was written and he is keeping that way. When a China-man comes to this country, his name is written as some Chinese symbol, right? It’s not like his name was written “Xanh” and he pronounces it “Chang.” When deciding how to write the name in English, just spell it properly! Why all of the difficulty?
Internet security officials have uncovered a botnet that was being run by a group of hackers. For those unfamiliar, a botnet is a group of computers that have been infiltrated and are under the control of hackers. Apparently, the hackers have used this botnet to get the login information for 3,600 Facebook accounts. Maybe I am a little naïve, but what are these hackers going to do if they get a hold of my Facebook login? Nefariously write on my wall that I’m gay and my fetish are guys with hairy asses? For all I care, they can steal the login information to a million Facebook accounts; I don’t see what could really be accomplished with this. Here’s an idea, instead of wasting time on Facebook clandestinely changing my relationship status, why don’t they get some information worth something like perhaps bank account info or Paypal passwords? And they say hackers are smart!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Lost in Space
Captain’s log, stardate xxx… Did you ever notice that in Star Trek they use the same calendar that we use on Earth today? Keep in mind, our current calendar is based upon the birth of Jesus Christ. So not only were the Christians able to convince China, India and the Middle East to use the Christ based calendar, they apparently were also able to convince the Vulcans, Romulans and Klingons as well. That is a little ironic since the Christian faith is based upon the fact that we are alone in the universe. Odd.
I find it funny that Christians ridicule other religions and in particular, Scientology. Not that I am either a Christian or Scientologist, but follow me for a minute. Christians endlessly crack wise on Scientologist’s beliefs. They make fun of the thought that we come from spaceships from a distant galaxy etc. Let me ask you something, if you were a blank religious slate and were being explained the two religions for the first time, which seems more plausible; the Christian belief that some guy in the sky that you can’t see or hear took six days to put together the Earth and all that is on it, or that there is other life somewhere else in the universe that developed space traveling technology and visited this planet? Again, I don’t necessarily buy either, but I think I would tend to believe the Scientologist theory before the Christian one. Any thoughts?
I find it funny that Christians ridicule other religions and in particular, Scientology. Not that I am either a Christian or Scientologist, but follow me for a minute. Christians endlessly crack wise on Scientologist’s beliefs. They make fun of the thought that we come from spaceships from a distant galaxy etc. Let me ask you something, if you were a blank religious slate and were being explained the two religions for the first time, which seems more plausible; the Christian belief that some guy in the sky that you can’t see or hear took six days to put together the Earth and all that is on it, or that there is other life somewhere else in the universe that developed space traveling technology and visited this planet? Again, I don’t necessarily buy either, but I think I would tend to believe the Scientologist theory before the Christian one. Any thoughts?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Cranks Yanked!
One of the things that my son will never get to do is prank call people! Caller ID has done away with the prank call. One of the simplest joys of my youth has gone the way of the steam engine due to technology. Next time you complain about your teen/pre-teen spending too much time on their video game console, remember that a large portion of your time may have been spent doing things that are no longer available to him. Notice I didn't use the "him/her" thing. Prank calls were primarily the domain of the male. Girls had better things to do like fix their hair and other girl things I was never privy to because I was too busy prank calling them to pay any real attention to them...
Friday, February 19, 2010
Color me crazy...
Why is it that I can go to a fly-by-night carnival and pay some drifter $7 to draw a caricature of myself that looks almost exactly like me yet I can barely identify any police sketch of a suspect as a human? Who’s drawing these things? Why does the sketch of a bank robber look more like a hobbit from the Lord of the Rings than like an ex-con? “Captain, I think we’ve identified our suspect, it is Frodo Baggins and we think he had help from his wizard buddy with the white beard.” Can’t the police find any competent artists? Along the same vein, have you ever noticed that some drunk guy in a bar can snap a photo in bad lighting with his cell phone camera and sell it to the Enquirer and it looks great blown up on the cover. Meanwhile when someone robs a bank and the security camera gets a shot; it is so blurry that even if the suspect’s own mother were to see it, she wouldn’t be able to identify it. I have a digital camera at home that cost around $200 that takes crystal clear pictures of faces from 100 yards and yet a back can’t seem to get a camera that can distinguish light from dark. All of the pictures from robberies look like they were taken with the same camera that took pictures of the Loch Ness Monster. I can sell my camera to a bank if they want it…
I really love when I see a picture with the black rectangle over people’s eyes so that their identity will be “protected.” If I ever saw anyone I knew with one of these rectangles, I’d say, “Hey, there’s Bob with a rectangle over his eyes!” How is that to stop anyone that you know from recognizing you? And if someone doesn’t know you, it doesn’t make a difference because they don’t know what you look like anyway…
I really love when I see a picture with the black rectangle over people’s eyes so that their identity will be “protected.” If I ever saw anyone I knew with one of these rectangles, I’d say, “Hey, there’s Bob with a rectangle over his eyes!” How is that to stop anyone that you know from recognizing you? And if someone doesn’t know you, it doesn’t make a difference because they don’t know what you look like anyway…
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Shocking stories of government waste!
Did anyone else think that the plotline of Avatar was completely predictable? What a surprise, the Marine that is sent to the planet to scout out for the mining of Unobtanium (great name by the way) falls in love and changes his mind at the last minute. Wow, never saw that coming…
I read a report today that the U.S. census board has wasted millions of dollars by overpaying for traveling costs, paying for unnecessary expenses and just general buffoonery. Ok, let’s see, a governmental agency has squandered funds and gone ridiculously over budget and this is news? Please mister newspaper editors, don’t start printing all of the stories about wasted government funds, you’ll have no room left for that ‘Peanuts’ comic strip that makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. Maybe someone should look into the strong arm tactics that Bill Keane used to get “The Family Circus” printed for so long. Please tell me that he roughed up a couple of reporters or something. I can’t believe any newspaper ever printed that steaming pile of crap voluntarily.
I was watching a documentary that had an interview with Craig whatever-the-hell-is-his-last-name who is the founder of Craigslist. In the interview he was explaining that at some certain point you are making more than enough money for yourself and you decide that you don’t need more. Am I missing something? Exactly how does Craigslist make all of this money? There are no advertisements on the website and most of the posted classified ads are free. Only in a few very large markets (New York, L.A., Chicago etc.) are some of the job listing being charged a posting fee. Is there some other magical way that they make money? I don’t think it would be too over the top if they put one small ad on the home page and reaped those benefits. I doubt anyone would complain.
My son told me that a lot of kids in his high school watch and talk about the show Family Guy. While I agree that it probably is one of the funnier shows on TV today (they don’t pull any punches, do they?), I would think that half of the jokes and references are too old for most teenagers today. I saw an episode that was entirely based off of Our Gang (you know, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky and the gang) and being 40, even I barely remember that show. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of 16 year olds have no clue about that as well as Fat Albert, Sanford and Son and maybe even Daffy Duck. Granted, there are enough jokes for one to miss half of them and still be entertained, I just know that most kids have no idea what’s going on…
Does anyone else miss the old Soviet Union hockey team? I can remember watching international hockey in the 80’s. The Soviets were like a machine. There was no dumping into the corner and trying to dig it out and hoping the puck bobbled in front of the net where one of your players might get a wild stick and bounce it into the net off of the back of some defenseman’s ass… The Soviets looked like they were playing a video game. Pass, pass, pass, shoot! I find myself wishing Communism never fell. I always felt like I was committing high treason, but it was awesome to watch. It makes the U.S. winning gold in 1980 all the more impressive.
Any thoughts? My e-mail is mikeahern123@yahoo.com I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks.
I read a report today that the U.S. census board has wasted millions of dollars by overpaying for traveling costs, paying for unnecessary expenses and just general buffoonery. Ok, let’s see, a governmental agency has squandered funds and gone ridiculously over budget and this is news? Please mister newspaper editors, don’t start printing all of the stories about wasted government funds, you’ll have no room left for that ‘Peanuts’ comic strip that makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. Maybe someone should look into the strong arm tactics that Bill Keane used to get “The Family Circus” printed for so long. Please tell me that he roughed up a couple of reporters or something. I can’t believe any newspaper ever printed that steaming pile of crap voluntarily.
I was watching a documentary that had an interview with Craig whatever-the-hell-is-his-last-name who is the founder of Craigslist. In the interview he was explaining that at some certain point you are making more than enough money for yourself and you decide that you don’t need more. Am I missing something? Exactly how does Craigslist make all of this money? There are no advertisements on the website and most of the posted classified ads are free. Only in a few very large markets (New York, L.A., Chicago etc.) are some of the job listing being charged a posting fee. Is there some other magical way that they make money? I don’t think it would be too over the top if they put one small ad on the home page and reaped those benefits. I doubt anyone would complain.
My son told me that a lot of kids in his high school watch and talk about the show Family Guy. While I agree that it probably is one of the funnier shows on TV today (they don’t pull any punches, do they?), I would think that half of the jokes and references are too old for most teenagers today. I saw an episode that was entirely based off of Our Gang (you know, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky and the gang) and being 40, even I barely remember that show. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of 16 year olds have no clue about that as well as Fat Albert, Sanford and Son and maybe even Daffy Duck. Granted, there are enough jokes for one to miss half of them and still be entertained, I just know that most kids have no idea what’s going on…
Does anyone else miss the old Soviet Union hockey team? I can remember watching international hockey in the 80’s. The Soviets were like a machine. There was no dumping into the corner and trying to dig it out and hoping the puck bobbled in front of the net where one of your players might get a wild stick and bounce it into the net off of the back of some defenseman’s ass… The Soviets looked like they were playing a video game. Pass, pass, pass, shoot! I find myself wishing Communism never fell. I always felt like I was committing high treason, but it was awesome to watch. It makes the U.S. winning gold in 1980 all the more impressive.
Any thoughts? My e-mail is mikeahern123@yahoo.com I would appreciate any feedback. Thanks.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Hello, this is Mike's couch calling!
I read an editorial in the newspaper today (the St. Petersburg Times) about the overcrowding of prisons throughout the U.S. In the blurb, it was addressing Florida specifically although I am sure this applies to most areas of the country. The writer was complaining about the prison sentences being handed down to people that were caught driving with a suspended license for the third time as this is the third leading crime that landed people in prison. What were the first two? Theft and drugs. The writer just sort of breezed by those facts as if three strikes with a suspended license is not as bad as being caught with a bag of weed. I don’t know about you, but I want people that are caught with a suspended license for a third time in jail. It’s time to call off the “war on drugs.” This initiative against drugs (mainly marijuana) has been going on for the better part of two decades now. Over a trillion dollars, massive jail space and countless man hours of law enforcement personnel have been spent on the war on drugs over the last 20 or so years. Guess what? It hasn’t worked at all. I bet you any amount of money that I could take $50 and a couple of hours and get myself a bag of weed, no problem. Let me qualify that statement with this; I have no current connections with any drug sellers whatsoever. After all of this time and effort it is absolutely no harder to get your hands on drugs than it was 20 years ago. One other thing to consider, the last time I checked, this is America. Does anyone remember what freedom was actually like? Wasn’t it supposed to be that my rights ended where your nose began? Let’s stop pursuing this victimless crime and focus on violent criminals and keeping them in jail instead. Every time some murderer that was let out of prison to make space of a pot smoker kills again, my point is driven even deeper.
Don’t mean to get too political on you… Here’s one for you. Yesterday my wife informed me that our couch with the built in telephone was no longer working. Mind you, it’s not like we ever used the thing, but a little part of me died when I found that out. I figured one day if a person from a third world country ever visited my house, I would make a phone call on my couch as I shoved Oreos in my face. Not to be mean, just to see the reaction on their faces. Oh well.
Don’t mean to get too political on you… Here’s one for you. Yesterday my wife informed me that our couch with the built in telephone was no longer working. Mind you, it’s not like we ever used the thing, but a little part of me died when I found that out. I figured one day if a person from a third world country ever visited my house, I would make a phone call on my couch as I shoved Oreos in my face. Not to be mean, just to see the reaction on their faces. Oh well.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Wash your hands! OR ELSE!
Here is something for you to be mad about and you don’t even realize it… Have you been in the restroom at a Home Depot or Lowe’s or some other hardware store lately? I’ve noticed something in restrooms of stores that are not restaurants. You know how when you go in to take a piss in a restaurant’s bathroom, you see the signs that say something like “employees must wash hands before leaving?” I’ve started to see those signs pop up in the restrooms of hardware stores, department stores and even places like tire shops. WTF? I understand why these signs are in restaurants of course. No one wants some guy that didn’t wash his hands after taking a crap rolling your burrito at Taco Bell. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if the guy that is stocking the plywood in the lumber section has clean hands. In fact, I want that guy to have dirty and soiled hands, it let’s me know that he knows what he is talking about when I ask him a question about cinder blocks. Now here is the part where you should be upset; there is some government agency that oversees the signs in the restroom at the hardware store. Particularly at this juncture when the country is basically broke, is this expenditure infuriating. Do I need the government running every little part of my life? Is it really necessary to spend the money to fund the agency that is in charge of this? Is it necessary to make the stores spend money on signage? Don’t give me the argument that it is only a few bucks… I realize that it isn’t much money, but what’s next? Will there be a sign by the door that instructs employees to wipe their feet before entering the store so that customers don’t get the bottoms of their shoes dirty? If you are afraid of the employees getting the plywood dirty with their soiled hands, I’ve got some news for you; PLYWOOD IS ALREADY DIRTY!! If you are really concerned about your precious hands (probably mostly women and men that are against the don’t ask, don’t tell policy), you be responsible for yourself and wash them after you carry the plywood into your back yard. Stop trying to get your nose into everybody else’s business… I thought this was America!
Can anybody explain to me why French is the “international” language? Watching the Olympics, I remembered this fact. Every time the announcer at the events says anything, he says it in English and French. Yes, I realize that the Olympics are in Canada, but that’s not the reason they do this. How many people in the world speak French? 150 million at the most? Let’s see, you’ve got the people in France, the people in Canada (or at least some of them) and the people of a few small island nations like Haiti. I feel like I would be happier if the international language was switched to English, Spanish or even Chinese. These have to be the most spoken languages around the world, don’t you think? My guess is English is the most spoken language because even countries like India and a lot of China speak it as well. I forgot about Esperanto. Does anyone actually speak Esperanto?
Some Canadian mogul skier won a gold medal the other night in the Olympics. It was the first gold that the Canadians had ever won at the Winter Olympics while being held in Canada which is three different Olympics. What?!? Really? Canada hasn’t cleaned up at the winter games? Why not? Isn’t Canada pretty much covered in snow and ice about half of the year? Don’t a lot of Canadians grow up on ice skates or skis? You would think that just by the laws of average that Canadians would be kicking ass at the Winter Olympics. I couldn’t figure this one out. Maybe that leaf on the Canadian flag isn’t a maple leaf after all… Maybe that’s why the Canadians are so laid back and polite…
Can anybody explain to me why French is the “international” language? Watching the Olympics, I remembered this fact. Every time the announcer at the events says anything, he says it in English and French. Yes, I realize that the Olympics are in Canada, but that’s not the reason they do this. How many people in the world speak French? 150 million at the most? Let’s see, you’ve got the people in France, the people in Canada (or at least some of them) and the people of a few small island nations like Haiti. I feel like I would be happier if the international language was switched to English, Spanish or even Chinese. These have to be the most spoken languages around the world, don’t you think? My guess is English is the most spoken language because even countries like India and a lot of China speak it as well. I forgot about Esperanto. Does anyone actually speak Esperanto?
Some Canadian mogul skier won a gold medal the other night in the Olympics. It was the first gold that the Canadians had ever won at the Winter Olympics while being held in Canada which is three different Olympics. What?!? Really? Canada hasn’t cleaned up at the winter games? Why not? Isn’t Canada pretty much covered in snow and ice about half of the year? Don’t a lot of Canadians grow up on ice skates or skis? You would think that just by the laws of average that Canadians would be kicking ass at the Winter Olympics. I couldn’t figure this one out. Maybe that leaf on the Canadian flag isn’t a maple leaf after all… Maybe that’s why the Canadians are so laid back and polite…
The Rockford Files lives!
My daughter has the Nintendo Wii system and she has the game Mario Kart. The great thing about this game is that the entire family can play. It is actually pretty fun. You race around in a car or motorcycle trying to navigate your way to first place. I do have one word of caution however. After we were done playing this afternoon and I hopped into my car to drive to work, I found it hard to switch gears from pretend driving back to real driving. I found myself taking corners like James Garner’s stunt driver from the Rockford Files and I even considered rear ending the car in front of me for a split second. Be careful after playing video games!
SPOILER ALERT! With the addition of Soriano in the bullpen and the likelihood of at least one of the Upton-Burrell-Navarro disaster triplets at least having a semi-respectable season, the Rays will be in the World Series this year. I expect them to win this one.
SPOILER ALERT! With the addition of Soriano in the bullpen and the likelihood of at least one of the Upton-Burrell-Navarro disaster triplets at least having a semi-respectable season, the Rays will be in the World Series this year. I expect them to win this one.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Jesus would have been a good luger
After my last post, I was thinking about the luge events in the Olympics. Can someone please tell me why this is a sport? Exactly what athletic endeavor are we testing here? Why don’t you make it a lot safer, quicker and cheaper by splitting it up into two events… The first event will be called “Sled Blade Sharpening.” The assistants of the luge riders will compete against each other by seeing who can more precisely sharpen the blades on the luge. We can use some kind of laser technology to measure the thinness and trueness of the sharpened blade. The second new event will be called “Who Can Lay The Flattest On Their Back Competition.” Instead of the riders laying flat on their sleds, they can just lay on the ground to see who can make themselves perfectly flat and point their toes together. It could be judged by the same judges that rate the high divers in the summer games. Make it a scale from 1 to 10. I don’t want any of this 1 to 6 rating crap where 6 is the best possible score. Why would you do that? Every scale should be 1 to 10 or 1 to 100. Nothing else. This would eliminate the need for $100 million luge courses being built and it would also make the games much safer. About the only hazards would be in the blade sharpening contest when one of the combatants slices a thumb open on his finely honed steel. I suppose the guys lying as flat as possible could end up with stiff necks or something.
My laptop is running a bit slow lately. The problem is that my desktop at home moves relatively quickly when accessing files and the internet, so when I do work on my laptop, it seems as if I am moving at a crawl. The funny thing is that it still moves 5 times faster than the computer I had 5 years ago. It takes 40 seconds to wake up from sleep mode and it seems like an eternity. I feel like throwing it through a window because I get so impatient with it. I seem to have completely separated myself from the days of using a dial-up connection to the internet. Remember those days? It would take 7 minutes to get a working connection to the web and for every page you tried to load, you had better have a good 2 minute time killer to keep yourself occupied. I complain about the 12 seconds it takes to download a podcast as if I were waiting in line at the DMV. Just spoiled I guess.
I read this morning that the swine flu pandemic seems to be under control now. One question, did someone kill the word epidemic? The word epidemic worked just fine for all of eternity until about five years ago. Remember the AIDS epidemic? All of the other great diseases like chicken pox, the measles and the mumps all ran through the population in epidemic form but for some reason epidemic just isn’t a good enough word anymore. I think that news outlets change over to pandemic because it sounds scarier and as anyone with a brain knows that that’s what the media is constantly trying to do. The only goal of the news business is to get eyes on their product in order to generate advertising revenue and the best way to get eyes on them is to scare people into paying attention. The news has come to the realization that 99% of people are completely oblivious to current events that don’t scare the shit out of them. Therefore, swine flu couldn’t scare people on its own. My son had the swine flu and when I tell people that, they gasp and cover their mouths as if the next words out of my mouth are going to be when the funeral was. The fact is, it was no big deal. Do you know what the swine flu is like? The flu. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. When treated properly, it’s no big deal at all and that doesn’t scare people into watching the news. Epidemic couldn’t scare people into watching, but pandemic… Well, there is a word worth harkening! Woe be the person that gets caught up in the throes of a pandemic! Keep this in mind, every year about 25,000 people in the US die from the common flu. How many died from the swine flu? A couple of hundred. It’s just that the common flu has been played out. It is no longer a sexy disease. ‘Nuff said.
Coming up in a couple of the days is the ever popular President’s Day! This is a day that you can spend with your loved ones that are near and dear to your heart. Honestly, does anyone care at all? Is there anyone out there that needs to be reminded that we have had presidents in the past that lead our nation and that we currently have a president now? What is the purpose of this holiday? If your answer is something about the fact that there needs to be X amount of federal holidays or some such crap, great plan. Is anyone in the government ever going to grow a brain? Statistics have shown that the day after the Super Bowl is biggest day in the country for people calling in sick to work and kids missing school. Why? It’s because more people care about the Super Bowl than any President’s Day! You know, the Christians were on to something when they decided to hold Christmas on December 25th. As most people agree now, Christ, if there actually was ever a guy named Jesus, was born during the summer. The Christians decided to celebrate Christ’s birthday in December because Pagans all over the world were already holding celebrations for winter solstice at that time. Christians decided it would be an easier sell to get people to celebrate a new holiday when there were already celebrations going on. It’s like taking your shower right after you got out of the pool. You are already wet and most of the heavy dirt has been washed of. Same concept. If the government was really in favor of the people’s best interests, which we know they are not, they would make it so that President’s Day always fell on the Monday after the Super Bowl. Just think of the lost productivity that would be eliminated. There may even be a bigger boost to the economy in beer and food sales on the Super Bowl because people would be able to party with impunity knowing that tomorrow is President’s Day and that they have the day off. Then on P-Day itself, a large segment of the population would be so hungover that they would have to sit in front of the T.V. and watch the current president drone on endlessly about god know what. Am I the only one that sees this?
My laptop is running a bit slow lately. The problem is that my desktop at home moves relatively quickly when accessing files and the internet, so when I do work on my laptop, it seems as if I am moving at a crawl. The funny thing is that it still moves 5 times faster than the computer I had 5 years ago. It takes 40 seconds to wake up from sleep mode and it seems like an eternity. I feel like throwing it through a window because I get so impatient with it. I seem to have completely separated myself from the days of using a dial-up connection to the internet. Remember those days? It would take 7 minutes to get a working connection to the web and for every page you tried to load, you had better have a good 2 minute time killer to keep yourself occupied. I complain about the 12 seconds it takes to download a podcast as if I were waiting in line at the DMV. Just spoiled I guess.
I read this morning that the swine flu pandemic seems to be under control now. One question, did someone kill the word epidemic? The word epidemic worked just fine for all of eternity until about five years ago. Remember the AIDS epidemic? All of the other great diseases like chicken pox, the measles and the mumps all ran through the population in epidemic form but for some reason epidemic just isn’t a good enough word anymore. I think that news outlets change over to pandemic because it sounds scarier and as anyone with a brain knows that that’s what the media is constantly trying to do. The only goal of the news business is to get eyes on their product in order to generate advertising revenue and the best way to get eyes on them is to scare people into paying attention. The news has come to the realization that 99% of people are completely oblivious to current events that don’t scare the shit out of them. Therefore, swine flu couldn’t scare people on its own. My son had the swine flu and when I tell people that, they gasp and cover their mouths as if the next words out of my mouth are going to be when the funeral was. The fact is, it was no big deal. Do you know what the swine flu is like? The flu. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. When treated properly, it’s no big deal at all and that doesn’t scare people into watching the news. Epidemic couldn’t scare people into watching, but pandemic… Well, there is a word worth harkening! Woe be the person that gets caught up in the throes of a pandemic! Keep this in mind, every year about 25,000 people in the US die from the common flu. How many died from the swine flu? A couple of hundred. It’s just that the common flu has been played out. It is no longer a sexy disease. ‘Nuff said.
Coming up in a couple of the days is the ever popular President’s Day! This is a day that you can spend with your loved ones that are near and dear to your heart. Honestly, does anyone care at all? Is there anyone out there that needs to be reminded that we have had presidents in the past that lead our nation and that we currently have a president now? What is the purpose of this holiday? If your answer is something about the fact that there needs to be X amount of federal holidays or some such crap, great plan. Is anyone in the government ever going to grow a brain? Statistics have shown that the day after the Super Bowl is biggest day in the country for people calling in sick to work and kids missing school. Why? It’s because more people care about the Super Bowl than any President’s Day! You know, the Christians were on to something when they decided to hold Christmas on December 25th. As most people agree now, Christ, if there actually was ever a guy named Jesus, was born during the summer. The Christians decided to celebrate Christ’s birthday in December because Pagans all over the world were already holding celebrations for winter solstice at that time. Christians decided it would be an easier sell to get people to celebrate a new holiday when there were already celebrations going on. It’s like taking your shower right after you got out of the pool. You are already wet and most of the heavy dirt has been washed of. Same concept. If the government was really in favor of the people’s best interests, which we know they are not, they would make it so that President’s Day always fell on the Monday after the Super Bowl. Just think of the lost productivity that would be eliminated. There may even be a bigger boost to the economy in beer and food sales on the Super Bowl because people would be able to party with impunity knowing that tomorrow is President’s Day and that they have the day off. Then on P-Day itself, a large segment of the population would be so hungover that they would have to sit in front of the T.V. and watch the current president drone on endlessly about god know what. Am I the only one that sees this?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
And they are off!
I was watching the movie Julie and Julia the other day and it gave me an idea. I needed to eat... Did anyone else that saw that movie get as hungry as I did? Some of those meals looked pretty good. If you haven't seen the movie, make sure to see it, but eat before you go.
The other idea I got was to start a blog. I figured if people will read about some lady's cooking misadventures, there would be some people that read about my retarded logic... Last night I was diagnosed as ADD by my wife although she quickly added that I was a highly functional case. After thinking about it, I realized that she may be on to something, not that I believe in ADD at all, but I do tend to jump around a little. So without the desire to medicate myself (other than self-medication), I am going to see if I can stick with a simple blog for a period of time and prove her wrong. I don't really have any idea of what I am going to blog about, just some personal insights and opinions, but hopefully it makes some sense to some people. Let me preface this blog with one thing; although I consider myself to be pretty good with spelling and grammar, all bets are off for this blog. I would rather concentrate on what I am saying than the finer points of the English language. I will try to not sound like a retard, but don't focus on my format.
Every morning, I read the newspaper. Why I read it, I am not sure. I think I just enjoy getting pissed off at stupid people. Maybe I do it to get it out of my system early in the day so that I can go about the rest of the day being my pleasant and charming self....
Today, 49 of the 50 states of America have snow on the ground. Hawaii being the only exception. I live in west-central Florida and this has been the coldest winter in history around here and I suspect in much of North America and the rest of the world. Being the owner of an ice cream store, this cold has really affected my income. People don't want ice cream when it is 40 degrees outside! So I have decided that the next person that says something to me about global warming is going to get punched right in the nose.... I mentioned the global warming farce to an aquaintance of mine and he gave me some lame excuse... Something about the fact that global warming is causing it to be cold. Really?? Where are the thermometers that are showing the rising temperatures? Up someone's ass? Any temperature reading you get right now can't possibly show that anything is warming up! I am going to change all of my CFL light bulbs back to incandecants now! Enough already!
I realize that I only read the comics in the newspaper to see how bad they are... Does anyone remember a time when the Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes and Bloom County graced our funny pages? The funny pages are anything but funny, but I realized that maybe that's the plan... make the comics so bad that people like me are compelled to read them as if I am a rubbernecker that can't help but look at the car accident on the side of the road! It's all part of the diabolical plan and it has worked! Seriously, wasn't Peanuts bad enough the first time around? Do we really need it to be reprinted in it's complete crappiness? Is anything Charles Shultz ever put out even remotely funny? Come on, just print Bizarro as a full page comic and be done with it or rerun Calvin and Hobbes or something. What we have now is stupid...
The Winter Olympics started last night in Canada... If it wasn't for the fact that a luger from The Republic of Georgia died while practicing, I don't think too many people would have noticed. Actually, the Olympic committee couldn't have paid for the type of publicity that the accident got them. That may be the best thing that could have happened for them! Not that I feel good about a person being killed, but let's face it. If you are riding down a shute of ice on a sled wearing nothing but a body stocking and a bike helmet at over 90 mph, isn't it only a matter of time before you get killed? You know the risks going in, right? At least if you are in a bobsled, you can duck down into the vehicle and have a chance of living... Going down on a luge is like playing russian roulettle! After holding the gun to your head once, pulling the trigger and being lucky enough to live don't you call it quits and go drink some cheap vodka? If you continue, it's only a matter of time before the odds catch up with you. After one successful luge run, call it quits.
The other idea I got was to start a blog. I figured if people will read about some lady's cooking misadventures, there would be some people that read about my retarded logic... Last night I was diagnosed as ADD by my wife although she quickly added that I was a highly functional case. After thinking about it, I realized that she may be on to something, not that I believe in ADD at all, but I do tend to jump around a little. So without the desire to medicate myself (other than self-medication), I am going to see if I can stick with a simple blog for a period of time and prove her wrong. I don't really have any idea of what I am going to blog about, just some personal insights and opinions, but hopefully it makes some sense to some people. Let me preface this blog with one thing; although I consider myself to be pretty good with spelling and grammar, all bets are off for this blog. I would rather concentrate on what I am saying than the finer points of the English language. I will try to not sound like a retard, but don't focus on my format.
Every morning, I read the newspaper. Why I read it, I am not sure. I think I just enjoy getting pissed off at stupid people. Maybe I do it to get it out of my system early in the day so that I can go about the rest of the day being my pleasant and charming self....
Today, 49 of the 50 states of America have snow on the ground. Hawaii being the only exception. I live in west-central Florida and this has been the coldest winter in history around here and I suspect in much of North America and the rest of the world. Being the owner of an ice cream store, this cold has really affected my income. People don't want ice cream when it is 40 degrees outside! So I have decided that the next person that says something to me about global warming is going to get punched right in the nose.... I mentioned the global warming farce to an aquaintance of mine and he gave me some lame excuse... Something about the fact that global warming is causing it to be cold. Really?? Where are the thermometers that are showing the rising temperatures? Up someone's ass? Any temperature reading you get right now can't possibly show that anything is warming up! I am going to change all of my CFL light bulbs back to incandecants now! Enough already!
I realize that I only read the comics in the newspaper to see how bad they are... Does anyone remember a time when the Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes and Bloom County graced our funny pages? The funny pages are anything but funny, but I realized that maybe that's the plan... make the comics so bad that people like me are compelled to read them as if I am a rubbernecker that can't help but look at the car accident on the side of the road! It's all part of the diabolical plan and it has worked! Seriously, wasn't Peanuts bad enough the first time around? Do we really need it to be reprinted in it's complete crappiness? Is anything Charles Shultz ever put out even remotely funny? Come on, just print Bizarro as a full page comic and be done with it or rerun Calvin and Hobbes or something. What we have now is stupid...
The Winter Olympics started last night in Canada... If it wasn't for the fact that a luger from The Republic of Georgia died while practicing, I don't think too many people would have noticed. Actually, the Olympic committee couldn't have paid for the type of publicity that the accident got them. That may be the best thing that could have happened for them! Not that I feel good about a person being killed, but let's face it. If you are riding down a shute of ice on a sled wearing nothing but a body stocking and a bike helmet at over 90 mph, isn't it only a matter of time before you get killed? You know the risks going in, right? At least if you are in a bobsled, you can duck down into the vehicle and have a chance of living... Going down on a luge is like playing russian roulettle! After holding the gun to your head once, pulling the trigger and being lucky enough to live don't you call it quits and go drink some cheap vodka? If you continue, it's only a matter of time before the odds catch up with you. After one successful luge run, call it quits.
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