USA Today?

Have you ever read the USA Today? It is a worthless fish wrapper! You pay $1.00 for about 8 pages of day-old news. Completely worthless. Some kid (around 21 years old or so) came into my ice cream store the other day with a brand new copy of the journal. After about 3 minutes, he left the store and the paper sitting on the table. He’d apparently had enough of that stale piece of crap… I don’t blame him. After he left, I grabbed the issue a read through it in about two minutes as well. Don’t waste your dollar.

I miss the phrase “that and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee.” I guess the fact that you can’t even walk into a Starbucks for fifty cents has killed this colloquialism. (No, I didn’t need spell check to help me spell that last word! That was one hell of a guess!) I don’t think telling someone that “that and $4.50 will get you a half-caff mochachino with extra foam. I guess the saying is dead.

Why do account numbers on the bills that you pay have a ridiculous amount of digits and why do they ask that you write it on your check? The account number for my car loan has 13 digits in it. 13! That means that there are 10 Trillion possible account numbers there. If the world’s population increased by a thousand times and everyone had a car loan (yes even infants and Haitians!), there would still be account numbers left over. Four Trillion left over. Why does my local garbage company feel the need to have account numbers with 8 digits in it? There aren’t that many households in the US! My hand hurts after writing out a check and then having to write the account number in the memo line, if it even fits! My house alarm company seems to manage with small account numbers. I am customer 1695. I have decided that I am no longer going to write these numbers on my check. From now on, the companies are just going to have to look my account up by my name on the check.

I was thinking about Islamic terrorism and I came to a conclusion; Islamic women are to blame for this whole thing and I am going to explain why. Imagine, if you will, that I had an inkling to go buy a machine gun or some bomb materials, do you think for even one second that my wife would let that fly? My wife doesn’t like it when I yell a little too loud in the house let alone running out into the street and firing a machine gun into the air and yelling some shit about god being great. What the hell are the Middle Eastern women doing over there? Don’t give me that bull about them being oppressed and that baloney. American women were oppressed and couldn’t even vote until half a century ago, but you didn’t see guys running around with bombs strapped to themselves before women’s suffrage, a little bootlegging here and some gambling there, but nothing too serious like flying planes into buildings. I think it’s time that the Arabic women sack up and get their men folk in line and let’s get peace in the Middle East.