Jesus would have been a good luger

After my last post, I was thinking about the luge events in the Olympics. Can someone please tell me why this is a sport? Exactly what athletic endeavor are we testing here? Why don’t you make it a lot safer, quicker and cheaper by splitting it up into two events… The first event will be called “Sled Blade Sharpening.” The assistants of the luge riders will compete against each other by seeing who can more precisely sharpen the blades on the luge. We can use some kind of laser technology to measure the thinness and trueness of the sharpened blade. The second new event will be called “Who Can Lay The Flattest On Their Back Competition.” Instead of the riders laying flat on their sleds, they can just lay on the ground to see who can make themselves perfectly flat and point their toes together. It could be judged by the same judges that rate the high divers in the summer games. Make it a scale from 1 to 10. I don’t want any of this 1 to 6 rating crap where 6 is the best possible score. Why would you do that? Every scale should be 1 to 10 or 1 to 100. Nothing else. This would eliminate the need for $100 million luge courses being built and it would also make the games much safer. About the only hazards would be in the blade sharpening contest when one of the combatants slices a thumb open on his finely honed steel. I suppose the guys lying as flat as possible could end up with stiff necks or something.

My laptop is running a bit slow lately. The problem is that my desktop at home moves relatively quickly when accessing files and the internet, so when I do work on my laptop, it seems as if I am moving at a crawl. The funny thing is that it still moves 5 times faster than the computer I had 5 years ago. It takes 40 seconds to wake up from sleep mode and it seems like an eternity. I feel like throwing it through a window because I get so impatient with it. I seem to have completely separated myself from the days of using a dial-up connection to the internet. Remember those days? It would take 7 minutes to get a working connection to the web and for every page you tried to load, you had better have a good 2 minute time killer to keep yourself occupied. I complain about the 12 seconds it takes to download a podcast as if I were waiting in line at the DMV. Just spoiled I guess.

I read this morning that the swine flu pandemic seems to be under control now. One question, did someone kill the word epidemic? The word epidemic worked just fine for all of eternity until about five years ago. Remember the AIDS epidemic? All of the other great diseases like chicken pox, the measles and the mumps all ran through the population in epidemic form but for some reason epidemic just isn’t a good enough word anymore. I think that news outlets change over to pandemic because it sounds scarier and as anyone with a brain knows that that’s what the media is constantly trying to do. The only goal of the news business is to get eyes on their product in order to generate advertising revenue and the best way to get eyes on them is to scare people into paying attention. The news has come to the realization that 99% of people are completely oblivious to current events that don’t scare the shit out of them. Therefore, swine flu couldn’t scare people on its own. My son had the swine flu and when I tell people that, they gasp and cover their mouths as if the next words out of my mouth are going to be when the funeral was. The fact is, it was no big deal. Do you know what the swine flu is like? The flu. That’s it, nothing more, nothing less. When treated properly, it’s no big deal at all and that doesn’t scare people into watching the news. Epidemic couldn’t scare people into watching, but pandemic… Well, there is a word worth harkening! Woe be the person that gets caught up in the throes of a pandemic! Keep this in mind, every year about 25,000 people in the US die from the common flu. How many died from the swine flu? A couple of hundred. It’s just that the common flu has been played out. It is no longer a sexy disease. ‘Nuff said.

Coming up in a couple of the days is the ever popular President’s Day! This is a day that you can spend with your loved ones that are near and dear to your heart. Honestly, does anyone care at all? Is there anyone out there that needs to be reminded that we have had presidents in the past that lead our nation and that we currently have a president now? What is the purpose of this holiday? If your answer is something about the fact that there needs to be X amount of federal holidays or some such crap, great plan. Is anyone in the government ever going to grow a brain? Statistics have shown that the day after the Super Bowl is biggest day in the country for people calling in sick to work and kids missing school. Why? It’s because more people care about the Super Bowl than any President’s Day! You know, the Christians were on to something when they decided to hold Christmas on December 25th. As most people agree now, Christ, if there actually was ever a guy named Jesus, was born during the summer. The Christians decided to celebrate Christ’s birthday in December because Pagans all over the world were already holding celebrations for winter solstice at that time. Christians decided it would be an easier sell to get people to celebrate a new holiday when there were already celebrations going on. It’s like taking your shower right after you got out of the pool. You are already wet and most of the heavy dirt has been washed of. Same concept. If the government was really in favor of the people’s best interests, which we know they are not, they would make it so that President’s Day always fell on the Monday after the Super Bowl. Just think of the lost productivity that would be eliminated. There may even be a bigger boost to the economy in beer and food sales on the Super Bowl because people would be able to party with impunity knowing that tomorrow is President’s Day and that they have the day off. Then on P-Day itself, a large segment of the population would be so hungover that they would have to sit in front of the T.V. and watch the current president drone on endlessly about god know what. Am I the only one that sees this?